Who’s got a time machine?
I can’t decide whether to spend my summer working in the Grand Tetons or learning in the classroom. This shouldn’t be a tough decision.
Kevin (from The Office) + WWF monologues + a little Bill Murray + the haircut of an original framer of the constitution = Jesse Ventura speaking about conspiracies. Somehow, it’s alarming. The idea that the man/elite rich/secret society can keeep a dude like Jesse Ventura down is terrifying. Even the interviewer is terrified! I haven’t seen his show yet. It’s tough to trust a guy who’s motto used to be “win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat!”
Seriously though, he speaks some truth about five minutes into the video. Then he talks about aliens. Who doesn’t want to hear everyone in my earlier equation (subtract “the haircut of”) talk about aliens?
5 Rules For Van Owners:
1. Your van must not be white. Try to avoid solid colors, but it must not be white.
2. You must have backseats for your van. A couch will suffice, and they don’t always have to be in the van, but you must have backseats.
3. If you have a bed/futon in the back, you must leave it in the upright position when not utilizing it’s sleep function.
4. You must not have blacked out windows unless you have some seriously expensive junk in your van on a regular basis. A lifetime supply of candy does not count as “seriously expensive junk.”
5. You must keep all things about your van legal (from registration to blinkers), because cops WILL stereotype you. Know your rights and refuse to take their crap, for the sake of van owners nationwide.
As the previous owner of two vans (that didn’t always abide by these rules, including one that resembled the van pictured above, minus the free candy and plus some blacked out windows), and a current van shopper, I’m speaking from years of experience. Also, don’t take any “creeper” jokes personally, as this is an indication that you are, in fact, using your van for creeper purposes.
P.S. If your van is a family van, these rules do not apply.
Disclaimer: The van pictured above is/was not mine.
“I’M MAD AS HELL, AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!” - Network, 1976
| — | Max Bemis - Say Anything
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I only know that (if it is correct) because I have a sister. If so, this could be the first step for me becoming a journalist for Rolling Stone (since their writers are to real writers as cheerleaders are to football players…or gymnasts, whichever analogy you prefer.)
That was a joke. I don’t even want to be a writer, although it seems like an easy job. I mean, I’d rather write than cook pizza (my current main source of income), but you could substitute many activities into the beginning of that sentence and it would still be true.
Actually, creating a Tumblr just seemed like the next correct course of action in the internet world. What started with Xanga, which was way too personal (like everything else in high school), and moved on to Myspace, which was way too ______ (insert all words with negative connotations), has now taken over the world via Facebook. Twitter is alright, but it’s just one big party with no party fouls and a million people conversing, one sentence at a time, (some only with themselves) at the same time. I love a good party, but sometimes you have to go home, and since all of our parents have made Facebook theirs, I’m moving to Tumblr, because nobody likes a twixter (which, if you are unfamiliar with the term, is somehow unrelated to Twitter).
So, cheers to Tumblr. May we enjoy it before it gets taken over by spam, or our parents.
